A Dark Farewell

It was not the sound of soft waves crashing on the shore that woke me, but the salty water lapping against my face. I opened my eyes, feeling the sudden cold in my limbs. I lifted myself up, removing my chest from the water surrounding me. A strange numbness in my tummy reminded me that I was obviously not old enough to drink that much rum if it knocked me out cold and left me sleeping in the harbor of my hometown, Penzance. At least I think it must have been rum. I do not actually remember enough of last night to pin my unfortunate situation solely on rum. Good thing the tide was not coming in yet or I might have drowned. Mother would kill me if she knew. Spitting out what felt like a handful of sand, I slowly got on my two feet and removed several long blades of seaweed from my well worn and now salt stained, wet clothes. I hated when people in town called me a sea rat, but today I looked the part.


My blond hair hung into my eyes and even though I dreamed of eventually sporting a thick beard like the elderly sailors I knew from the docks, my chin was only covered with soft down, testament to my being only 17 years of age. Still, my poor excuse of a beard stuck wetly to my skin.


Rubbing the dried sand off my cheeks, I trotted out of the sandy beach near the main port and slowly headed towards home. Dark clouds filled the sky as I made my way to the 'Jolly Seagull', the inn my mother and I ran on our own ever since father, a fisherman, went out to sea and never returned after a stormy night. I blinked when rain started pouring down, washing the salt from my hair into my eyes. I opened the door to our inn, finding it dark and unusually quiet for an early evening on a weekday.

"Mother?"

I stepped into the main hall that housed several large wooden tables, carefully arranged in a crescent, so the big fireplace in the midst of the room would heat every single patron, no matter where they sat.

Tonight, there was no fire, though. A cold gush of wind sent a shiver down my spine. Someone had left a window open and the cold Atlantic current began to howl around the house, droplets of rain falling from the window onto the dark wooden floor. I ran to the other side of the room and closed the window.


Watching the rain fall heavily against the colored glass, I turned my head and saw a trickle of water on the floor leading towards the kitchen. The door was opened but I couldn't see inside, so I followed the watery trail before me.

When I opened the kitchen door fully, a lightning illuminated the large kitchen and I jerked back in shock.


My mother sat at the kitchen table in the dark, hands folded and staring blankly at the wall. When she saw me enter, she turned her head to me and smiled tiredly.

"Where have you been? You missed dinner", she said quietly.

It looked like I had missed a whole lot more. Not only had mother obviously cleaned all dishes and cutlery by herself, had managed to get all patrons into their beds before eleven o'clock and had even sweeped the main room, a task usually assigned to me after I had persistently convinced every single patron to take their bottles of rum with them to their rooms so mother could close up.


Tonight, though, she had managed on her own. I felt ashamed. Wanting to be a good son I always made sure to assist her whenever I could. She forbade me to become a fisherman afraid I would share my father's fate, so I knew the inn was to be my future. I did not mind. I liked the inn and my quiet life in town. Only some nights, when I found myself staring out of the little round window of the alcove I called my room, I wondered what it would be like to travel the seas and sail to different and wondrous places like the many ships I saw below, in the port of Penzance.


Tonight when I looked out of the window I only saw a dark veil of rain and felt the storm trying to reach through the glass to make me shiver in my old blanket, as I sat huddled on my bed. Terrible dreams tormented my sleep. Dark memories of a stormy night, high waves rocking the ground under my feet, my mother's cries in the darkness. I jerked awake and sat up, staring out to sea. Dark thoughts twisted my mind and not quite asleep, but certainly not awake either, I more felt than saw dark shapes appear on the unruly sea, moving with the waves like seafoam washing ashore. The shapes took form on the sand and began to walk towards the sleeping town, as I stared out of my tiny window, eyes wide in terror, sweat dripping down my face and the terrible stench of my own fear creeping into my nose.


Just when I was sure I heard a loud scratching sound on our door, a lightning unveiled a glimpse of a huge sailing vessel approaching the harbor on the wild and stormy sea. Could it be? A ship finding our harbor safely in a storm of this magnitude?


The scratching sound again, this time it was sharper, like a blade cutting on glass. Was someone trying to break into the inn? My eyes were glued to the enormous sails, blown up like huge wings on a gigantic bird in the midst of the thunderstorm above Penzance.


I witnessed more dark shapes appear in port, only this time they were not vague shadows, but sailors of flesh and blood who tried to find their way from the harbor toward the 'Jolly Seagull'. I squinted my eyes, trying to see the vessel in port more clearly. Was that a pirate's flag flying on top? I was scared of the dark shadows roaming the streets and scratching against our windows, but I knew that pirates would prove to be a more real and more urgent danger to my mother and me.


A loud knock on the door sent me out of my stupor. This was real.

No ghost trying to seek entry, but - God be willing - paying patrons.


I stumbled downstairs in my bedclothes and met my mother at the entrance. She looked at me warily as she opened the door. A group of dark men stood before us, rain dripping heavily onto their leather booths. The tallest of them looked down at us menacingly, opening his arms wide to include his fellow mates.

"Good evening, woman", he spared me a glance "and lad. Any dry rooms for my men and me and a bottle of rum to warm our tired bones?"

His voice was thick as gravy, echoing through the empty hall behind us. I looked at my mother and saw the same question in her eyes that I meant to ask her. Could we trust them?


A small bag of coins rattling in the stranger's hand in front of us answered the question for us.

Opening the door wide, my mother invited the sailors in and distributed blankets to them right after she ordered me to stoke the fire and bring bottles of rum from the cellar. The empty hall filled quickly with loud and boisterous sailors of all ages and ethnicities. To say I was not fascinated by them would have been a lie.


Tales and jokes were exchanged in various languages and the few I did understand took me to far away and exotic places I knew I would never ever be able to go.


"What about you, lad? Anyplace you wanna go? You're old enough to join a crew, you know?"

The melodious accented voice addressing me belonged to a young crewman, probably only a few years older than myself, whom I had noticed staring at me at several occasions when I went around to refill the men's tankards.


I looked into the brown eyes in the olive skinned man's handsome but weathered face in front of me. His short black beard was a stark contrast to his white teeth when he smiled friendly at me.


"I'm not a sailor. There's places I'll likely never get to see", I said warily, hoping to end the discussion by giving the man more rum to drown.


"Doesn't answer my question, lad", he gestured to the seat next to his, willing me to sit down with him. He looked somehow polished, so unlike the other sailors who seemed to swear and burp more often than they exchanged a proper word with each other, filling the room with their laughter instead.

I took the offered seat, feeling uncomfortably warm this close to the open fireplace.

"I'm running the inn with my mother. I cannot leave to see the world", I explained slowly, wondering what the man expected me to say.



He bumped his shoulder into mine and I jerked back, surprised at the sudden affection. A sweet spice of cinnamon, rum and the man's sweat tickled my nose. A scent that was not entirely unpleasant at all. He pushed his tankard aside and unscrolled a map on the table in front of us. I had rarely seen a real map this close. Usually sailors who owned them did not care to share these treasures with a lundlubber such as myself.


I vaguely recognized the shapes of England and the Mediterranean sea on the hand drawn map, but beyond that my eyes only found names that I had not even heard of before.

The man pointed at a few small dots somewhere in what I assumed was the Atlantic ocean.

"This is where I come from. The place I call home", he said. I could feel his eyes on me as I perused the map. Squinting my eyes I tried to read the letters surrounding the small islands his finger was pointing to.

"Great... Isle of Dogs?", I read aloud, wondering if I interpreted the winged handwriting correctly.

He nodded, smiling. His accent grew more pronounced when he answered.

"You got that right. The Great Isle of Dogs. Gran Canaria. A beautiful place. I wish I could show it to you", he whispered in my ear.


Blood rushed up and heated my face. The man's warm breath tickled my ears. What was wrong with me? I should not let a stranger's friendly banter affect me like this.

I picked up the bottle of rum and motioned to get up, when the man's warm hand closed around my wrist.

"My name is Miguel. What's yours?" I looked at him, his suntanned skin wrinkling around the curve of his mouth, highlighting his bright smile.

"Jack", I responded, rooted to the spot by dark eyes I could only describe as beautiful, even though they so clearly belonged to a man.



"Jack. If you change your mind, find me", he said, shortly before he turned away to laugh at a crude joke someone had told on the table next to him.



His unusual offer haunted me until all patrons were finally satisfied and strolled off to their rooms, allowing mother and me to fall tiredly into our beds as well.


Again my sleep was disturbed by dark images - memories? - taking me back to a stormy night out at sea. Was I reliving my father's demise? Was I witnessing him drown in the sea when the cries I heard over the wind so clearly belonged to my mother and me in my dream?


I tossed and turned in my bed, soaked in cold sweat. A soft light illuminated my nightmare, chasing away the fearful images.

Miguel's voice spoke to me in my dream, urging me to follow him and to leave Penzance behind. Sudden guilt started to devour me. Was I really considering the offer? No. I would never leave mother behind. Not after she had to say a sea-bound farewell to father that had left her in tears. I just could not.


Tired and drenched in sweat, I awoke the next morning. Our guests were still sound asleep, all but a certain Spaniard who sat in the common room, nursing a cup of tea, delicate china that looked out of place in the big hands of a sea wolf like him.


"Good morning, Jack", I half expected the man to say when I descended the stairs, but it was my mother greeting me from the kitchen door.

"Be a good lad and hop down to the pier, see if we left the ale there. I cannot find it in the cellar", she said.


Miguel nodded to me with a sad smile on his face, chewing on a piece of bread. "Mind if I come with you?", he murmured around the bread, sounding wary as if I would deny him his wish.


I shook my head and slipped into my jacket. Miguel was at my heels when I went down to the harbor where our small boat, the 'Sweet Melody" lay. I listened to his steady footfalls behind me, not realizing that I stopped at an empty pier until Miguel cleared his throat.


"What are we looking for again? Ale?", he said, looking around.

I could not believe my eyes. Right here in front of me, where our 'Sweet Melody' was always tied, I saw nothing but brackish water lapping against the pier.


"Our boat...it's gone", I said, panic rising in my voice. I started to tremble, dark memories of a stormy night once again flashing in my mind.

I clawed my arms into a threadbare shirt, surprised to find Miguel's arms around me, his mouth mumbling soothing words in a strange language into my ears. I hugged him back, trying to swallow down my sudden terror.



"Our boat is gone. We need it to get supplies. Mother wanted to sell it to purchase a horse and a cart so we wouldn't have to travel on the water, but it was father's", I rambled, desperately wanting to stop telling the man all this. The man whose strong arms were wrapped around me as if he were soothing a trembling child. I freed myself from his embrace and looked into his sad eyes, hoping to find answers there.


"Maybe the storm carried it out to sea", he said quietly.

I nodded, turning back to walk up to the inn, fearing to break the news to mother. I felt Miguel a step behind me. Who was this mate? Why was he so friendly with me, consoling me as if he knew more about what had happened to our boat than he let on?


Mother busied herself in the kitchen as usual, not sparing me a glance when I walked in.

"Ma, the boat is gone", I said, tensing up. No need to delay the inevitable. She looked up from slicing some onions and shook her head.



"Nonsense, I just saw it at the pier a moment ago. This nice gentleman was kind enough to bring me the ale that took you an hour to fetch, boy!", she scolded.

I looked at the tall man sitting on a table nearby, nodding to me as we spoke. I took him for the captain but I had troubles determining the men's rank on this peculiar ship. I glanced at Miguel who watched the exchange warily.



"How is it, lad? Wouldn't you want to join me jolly crew? We're two hands down on our ship. What do ya say? A guy scrubbing the planks may easily end up captain rather sooner than later on my ship. And wouldn't that make your momma proud?", the man said, his voice booming through the kitchen.

"A young strong lad will make it big on my ship. That much is certain. Ain't that right, Spaniard?", the man raised his tankard towards Miguel.



"Aye, captain. Truer words were never spoken", Miguel replied, subdued. He lowered his head and stepped out of the room. My heart ached to know what weighed so heavily on his heart.



"Whaddaya say? Jack, right? Will you join me on our voyage? Bid your momma farewell as a boy and return to her a man commanding his own crew?" It sounded intriguing. I knew how officers used to lure sailors to join their crew and fill all required hands on deck, but never before had I heard words more alluring than the captains. Still, looking at my mother working to prepare luncheon for our patrons, I once again reminded myself of my duties.

"I appreciate your offer, sir, but my place is here, running this inn by my mother's side", I said and left the room, going about my daily chores.



I did not see Miguel during the rest of the day. I cleaned the floor, helped my mother with the laundry and washed the dishes as every night, when I heard another thunderstorm approach. The windows once again rattled in their hinges and thick veils of rain cascaded down on our roof, each drop hollering through the inn like a thousand hammers drilling on tiny nails.



Finally done for the day, I retreated to my chamber, washing myself and lighting a candle, hoping to fend off the humid cold that filled my tiny room during nights like this.



Sleep came easily to me, but the terrifying images found me again, clouding my dreams with cold winds and the sound of a breaking hull, water lapping at my feet. A lightning parted the sky but all I could see was debris floating around me and greedy blades of seagrass clawing at me, tugging at my feet until my lungs burned from the lack of air.



A soft knock on the door startled me awake. I blinked, trying to slow my breathing. No one ever disturbed me at this time of night, so I wrapped the blanket tightly around my naked body and opened the door.



Miguel stood there, clad in only linen pants, his feet and upper body bare and shivering in the soft candlelight.



I stared at him, dumbfounded. His chest was covered with a dark mat of fine hair, framing nipples even darker than the sun kissed skin around them. I ached to touch the black hair, a sign of his manhood, wondering if it would feel soft, like my own hair did or if it was wiry. Miguel followed my gaze, his face lighting up, a smile revealing white teeth clattering in the darkness.



"Can I... come in?", he said.

I opened the door wide and let him enter, aware of the poor impression my tiny bedroom housing only my unmade bed and literally nothing else must have made to him. But then, he lived on a ship, so he would be used to small spaces. He sat down on the bed, crossing his muscled arms in front of his chest, trying not to shiver from the cold. I noticed how the hairs on his arms resembled those on his chest - and wondered why I cared. What was wrong with me to even contemplate things like that? He trembled visibly and sucked in air as if to show off his clattering teeth on purpose.



Unsure of the protocols of hospitality for such strange nightly encounters, I sat down next to him, putting my warmed blanked around his shoulder, doing my best to remain covered and decent with my other hand. Miguel leaned into me, his cheek only inches from my face. I could smell his hair, an intriguing scent like a day on the market where spices from all over the world mixed in the salty air. His short dark beard rasped against my nose.

"Thank you", he said, keeping his arms gracefully crossed. God knew, if he opened them he would clearly brush my naked body and discover the unseemly excitement I so desperately tried to conceal. In God's name, when had I become a wanton - craving a man's touch?



"You're welcome", I stammered. "What are you doing here? In my chamber?"

He looked at me and I believed to find sadness in his eyes again. He swallowed heavily before he spoke.


"Tomorrow the "Soaring Eagle" will depart. I'm leaving. I... was hoping I could convince you to join me after all?", he said, opening his arms slowly, rubbing the heels of his hand against the soft hairs on my belly.

"I can't", I said, my voice breaking. "You know, I can't." I felt tears in my eyes. I didn't want him to leave me behind with my mother's sadness for the rest of my life. He sighed.

"Then this is goodbye" He closed the distance between our faces and kissed me softly on the mouth, my hand falling away from the blanket to embrace his shoulder, drawing his warm body closer to mine. I never believed in heaven or any of the places the priests spoke of, thinking them inventions of clerics to explain things humans are not meant to understand, but in this moment I saw a glimpse of paradise, as I felt Miguel's beard scrape softly against my lips, his tongue chasing mine, his taste intoxicating and sweet.


He lowered me on the small bed, his mouth traveling across my neck, his beard mingling with the soft hair on my chest, as his tongue caressed my nipple, sending a jolt of pleasure to my growing member, pressed between our heated bodies. Miguel caressed my arms with his fingers while his tongue reached my belly button and wandered lower, tickling the hair above my groin while his beard caressed the sensitive head poking at his cheek. I tried to stop him, but found myself rooted to the spot when his lips closed around my member, his burning tongue peeling my foreskin away to lap at the sensitive head beneath, the warm sensation sending shivers all over my body. I knew what would follow soon, having relieved myself often enough in the way that men are wont to do.



But experiencing this growing sensation while Miguel's beautiful mouth was wrapped around my hardened member was more than my inexperienced body could take. Biting on my tongue to swallow my cry of pleasure, I pumped jets of warm semen into Miguel's lavish mouth, not surprised when he hummed, satisfied, and swallowed as much as he could.



He carried a strange taste on his tongue when he released my member and slid higher to capture my mouth in a hungry kiss. I wrapped my arms around him and drifted off to sleep, for some reason certain that I would not be bothered by bad dreams tonight. Miguel caressed my skin and watched over me, guarding my sleep like a dark angel.



I woke up alone. Sitting up so quickly I almost knocked my head on the low ceiling, wondering if the nightly encounter had been a dream after all.



I felt something in my hand. A leather band with a small seashell attached to it. Miguel's necklace. It wasn't a dream. And I slept through his goodbye. Feeling cold and empty without his arms around me, the thought of never seeing him again scared me to the bone. I looked out of my window. The 'Soaring Eagle' was still in port, so it wasn't too late. The large white sail, drawn up to keep the ship safely tied to the pier promised adventure and excitement. I couldn't wait to board the vessel!



Barely bothering to slip into my trousers, I ran downstairs. My mother frowned at my bare chested appearance, but the captain smiled at me. He was still here, talking to my mother.



"Momma, will you give me permission to leave with the captain?" Did I really say this out loud? I looked down, didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes.

I flinched when momma stepped forward, half expecting her to slap me, but finding her hug me instead.



"I love you, Jack. You need to find your own way, I know that", she said as she embraced me. Tears fell down my cheek as I hugged her back.

"Goodbye momma", I said, crying.

When I turned around, Miguel stood in the doorway, wearing his crewmate outfit and saluting me with his rolled up map.

"Time to go, Jack", he smiled.



Walking side by side to the pier, I did not question why Miguel took my hand in his, guiding me to the "Soaring Eagle". We must have looked like children, but none of the crewmen made any of the crude jokes I came to expect.



When I reached the deck of the beautiful sailing vessel, a sudden flood of memories brought me to my knees. I saw my mother float in the angry sea in front of me, her hair crashing wildly about her head, like a mermaid's, lifeless eyes staring back at me. I tried to reach her, but my feet were tangled in seaweed and I couldn't break free. Observing my short life in front of my eyes, I knew this was the end. Planks and debris floated in the water around me, bound to be swept ashore as flotsam, just like our dead bodies would be.



Miguel's hand on my shoulder steadied me.

"It is time, Jack", he whispered in my ear. I struggled back to my feet, turning around to look at the lonely dark 'Jolly Seagull' in the distance, willing my mother to leave the inn and join us.



"Mother...", I stammered helplessly, tears falling from my eyes.

"You will meet her again someday. The captain will not rest until she too will join us on our journey", he said in his softly accented voice. I drew him closer to me, feeling the strong presence of his body, grounding me on the unsteady deck.



The 'Soaring Eagle' was untied and began to set sail, leading its big hull out of the harbor of Penzance. Miguel steered me to the railing, pointing at somewhere in the distant blue sky.



"Are you ready to let go, love?", he whispered. Taking my hand in his, I realized that I was. Nothing held me back in that lonely inn where my mother's ghost needed more time to find its way home. However, I was ready for my journey. I tilted my head up and kissed Miguel, his lips parting in welcome.



"Stay with me?", I whispered, searching his brown eyes, sparkling with what I hoped to be his love for me, as the 'Soaring Eagle' rocked on the ever growing waves of the Atlantic. He smiled and put his lips close to my ears as he hugged me tightly to his chest.

"Always", he promised and together we sailed into the blue.